Last updated on 23 May 1995

Fionn

As in Fionn and the Fianna. Mystical leader of band of gurriers who roamed around ancient Ireland having adventures. Had their headquarters on Howth Head. Fionns place of birth was unknown until 1992 when his birth certificate turned up in the Rotunda maternity hospital(the oldest in the world), it was written in Ogham on a two ton boulder in the back garden.

Brian Boru

High King of Ireland who successfully drove the Viking invaders out of Ireland in the Battle of Clontarf, leaving the Irish free to have over a hundred years of freedom to fight amongst themselves. The name Boru actually means tax collector, and kings traditionally collected tax, which means that the high king was the chief tax collector.

Diarmuid McMurrough

Famous for asking the Norman warrior 'Strongbow' over to Dublin to sort out a few feuds. When asked later on in his career did he foresee the consequences of his actions i.e. 800 years of attempted imperial domination, the near death of the Irish language, Potato famines, Evictions, Religious strife, Deportations, the Troubles etc., he replied "No, not really.".

Jonathan Swift

Dean of St. Patricks Cathedral. Wrote "Gullivers Travels", a subtle exposè of bureaucracy and petty politics in local government. On receiving poor royalties for this his greatest work, took up script writing for the cartoon T.V. series "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", which was made in Dublin by the Murakami Wolfe animation company.

James Joyce

Wordwarriorshimmyshammeringgibberishjugglingeccentrickkkkkkkkkkkkk! Gave the word "Quark" to the English language, quite appropriate since he could be quite strange too. Went to the same school as that giant of twentieth century Irish literature Terry Wogan.

Rowan Hamilton

Any doubt to the Dublin credentials of this Mathematician were dispelled when after thinking of one particularly good equation (Quaternions) one day, decided that he should chisel it onto a bridge over the Royal canal beside "U2 can be a Virgin Prune" and "Big Tom & the Mainliners". He received the probation act.

Michael Cleary

Commonly known as father Michael Cleary. Devout Catholic priest who disagreed with the use of artificial contraception.

Bob Geldof

Rock star famous for ripping up pictures of John Travolta live on 'Top of the Pops' when the Boomtown Rats displaced him and O.N.J. at number one. Something that he won't do again after seeing 'Pulp Fiction'. Went on to win world acclaim for his efforts to get relief aid for Africa. However can never set foot in Dublin again after getting Zig and Zag to leave Ray,Dustin and Zuppy on the Den for his 'Big Breakfast Show' in England.

Paul Hewson a.k.a. Bono

Blasphemous Dublin rock star who thinks he's bigger than John Lennon, who was of course bigger (physically) than Jesus Christ. Famous for inventing Bonospeak, a bizzare language used to confuse foreigners, e.g. "If you're the C.I.A., or the B.B.C., or Dublin Bus, or the Bank of Ireland, then treat those people well on Monday morning."

Bang Bang

Rare auld Dublin 'character' who used jump onto the old busses and pretend to shoot everyone, shouting the words "Bang!, Bang!", thus scaring the shite out of old and young alike. Took early retirement with the arrival of automatic bus doors.

'The Mad Woman in O'Connell Street'

Not to be confused with 'The Mad Woman with the Wooden Cross'. Can be found standing on the spot where the Pillar doesn't, usually singing and dancing in a not very erotic fashion.

Oscar Wilde

Born in Westland Row Dublin, renowned the world over for his acerbic wit. Some quips that are attributed to him include "If you don't stop bleedin' lookin' at me bird I'll give ya a dig in the gob" and the classic "Missus ya have a face like a bag a chisels". Fulfilled his lifelong ambition by being buried in the same graveyard as Jim Morrison in Paris.

Sam Beckett

Not only famous for being miserable, but also was miserable for being famous, as well as Irish, mortal, and living longer than all his peers. Would probably have been the worst person to choose as a best man in the history of weddings.

Liam Brady

Our best ever soccer player. Was called 'chippie' because he used to eat a lot of chips, in fact when Liam went to Juventas many pundits said it was because the Italians make the best chips in the world. Had one of the best left foots in the game, unfortunately this was accompanied by a right foot that was also one of the best left foots in the game.

Arthur Wellesley a.k.a. The Duke of Wellington

Perhaps best known for having the only colonial monument that wasn't blown up or taken down after the war of Independance, this Dub went on to beat Napoleon and become Prime Minister of the U.K. However Arthur was always loath to mention his city of birth, which may explain why the 202 foot monolith was left standing in the Phoenix Park.

Christy Brown

Disabled writer and painter. Taught himself how to paint and type using only his right foot. Died tragically by choking on a bone. His life was dramatised on the big screen, by Dublin film mogal Jim Sheridan. While the film "My Left Foot" went on to win critical acclaim and a few Oscars, controversy still rages to this day about certain artistic licences taken by the director who maintained that the basic story hadn't changed.

Edward Carson

Founder of modern Unionism, born in Harcourt Street. Although totally committed to the Union with Britain, originally abhorred the idea of partition. His house is now falling down, but the government might fix it up as part of the peace process.

Brendan Behan

Writer, patriot and drinker. Brendan loved cities and described them as places where it would be unlikely to be bitten by a wild sheep.

Lugs Brannigan

Garda in the Dublin of the 40's 50's and 60's. Was also keen amateur boxer, and combined both talents in an attempt to boost community relations. Always mentioned by older people in conversations about how people were much happier in the old days, and how it was safe to walk the streets back then, unless of course Lugs got you.

Rashers Tierney

Never existed in real life, but got eaten by rats in 'Strumpet City' so deserves a mention. Went on to marry Teasy in Glenroe.

Erwin Schroedinger

Not a true Dub by any stretch of the imagination, but what the hell. Unlike Heisenberg, who probably didn't, Schroedinger came to live in Clontarf during the 'Emergency' (World War II). Helped DeValera set up the Dublin Institute for Advanced Studies. Liked the place enough to stay until the late fifties. Had strong vivisectionist tendancies, half killed his cat with thought experiments.

Zozimus

Poet, I think. Don't know much about him, apart from his impressive name.

The General

Gang leader with an incredible sense of the obscure. Love him or hate him, everyone has some story about something he did or was supposed to have done. The cops hated him and harrassed him around the clock. Was one of the last people (hopefully) to be killed by the I.R.A..

Eamonn Dunphy

Famous for doing the unthinkable, he criticises Jack Charlton. In fact Eamonn gives out about most people (except Johnny Giles) but some things are sacred in Ireland. Played football for Millwall and has a very distinctive voice which is easy to imitate. Ruined everybodys world cup by not going on T.V. to give out. Come back Eamonn.

Luke Kelly

One of two only real 'Dubliners' in this list. More famous than the others in the band because he has a park and a bridge named after him. Had a lot of red hair and sang like an angel (compared to Ronnie Drew).

Phil Lynott

Although Phil will go down in history as the man who married the daughter of the Englishman who presented the British version of the American game show 'The Price is right'. Others remember him as the lead singer and bass player with Thin Lizzy, the Irish rock band that changed the country forever. His ambition was to be the Lord Mayor.

Mary Robinson

Although strictly speaking a culchie, being the president means that you have to live in the Capital. Keeps a light burning in her window for all the emigrants scattered around the world. Has promised that if she is elected for a second term, she will explain what diaspora means.

The Lion in the M.G.M. logo

Yes, believe it or not, born and bred in Dublin 8 in the Zoo in the Phoenix Park. Although the Lions acting career reached the dizzy heights of Hollywood, it ended sordidly and abruptly when the news broke of his involvement in sickening 'Kitty-Porn' films made in Amsterdam when he was younger. Since starting this page I've been told that there is a possibility that it may only be the roar that comes from the Dublin Lion, used with the film of another (presumably better looking) cat, -only in Hollywood.

Thom McGinty a.k.a. The Diceman

Another honorory Dub. Thom, originally from Scotland, became famous for walking slowly up and down Grafton street on Saturday afternoons, while the good natured citizens of the fair city tried to stab cigarettes out on his forehead in vain attempts to get a reaction. When Thom died in Feb.'95 his coffin was paraded down Grafton st.

Kevin Heffernan

The man who brought the Dublin Gaelic Football of the 70's to many notible victories over the Kerrymen, and then didn't in the 80's. Destined to immortality in the chant:
"The Jacks are back, The Jacks are back,

Let the railway end go barmy,

Hill 16, Has never seen,

The likes of Heffos army."


Dustin

Turkey and runner up in the last presidential election. Has such a highly developed sense of humour that only inhabitants of the city think he's funny, this makes him safe from Bob Geldof. Has strong personal doubts as to the existance of County Leitrim.

Captain Bligh

Another non-Dub. Famous for being mutinied on the Bounty. Get's a mention here because he commissioned the building of the North Bull wall, to make the Liffey dig its own deep water channel. However, this caused a build up of silt on the north side of the wall, which in turn became Bull Island, where of course thousands of Dubliners have been conceived in the back seats of cars on a Saturday night.

Gay Byrne

Apparently the man who brought sex to Ireland (leaving the drugs and rock & roll for Phil Lynnot to look after). Gay was the man who introduced the Beatles on their first television appearance. Now hosts the longest running T.V. chat show in the world. Returning emigrants can work out when they were last in the country by the change in his hair colour.

Hector Grey

Dublin merchant who brought the exotic delights of the far east to the city. He sold produce from China, Taiwan, Great Britain (not the country but the village they renamed). The only man to go to if you needed small plastic pencil tops, gonks, pencil cases in the shape of a pencil, etc. When Hector died, they buried him in a 20 foot torch shaped coffin that could also be used as a soup flask.

St. Valentine

I don't know where he started off in life, but this patron saint of love and romance ended up in Dublin. His body is on permanant display in Whitefriar street church. In fact if you have never visited Dublin before, next February the 14th might be the ideal time to come on a romantic visit, especially if you and your loved one enjoy gawking at rotting corpses.

Ronnie Drew

The man with a voice that has to be heard to be believed. Still hammering out tunes with the Dubliners. Personal friend of Dustin the Turkey, and Shane McGowan, Ronnie still makes number one records, although rumour on the street has it that his addiction to Johnston Mooney and O'Brien bread is worsening.

Sinead O'Connor

Petite, very beautiful Dublin singer. Also uses her mouth to get herself into a lot of peoples bad books, still, manages to compensate for this by making great music. Says that she is only ever attracted to men that treat her badly (just in case you ever meet her).

Charlie Haughey

Another mythical Irish leader. Some scholars maintain that he is merely an Irish version of the Arthurian legend. In both versions the belief is that the leader is not dead, merely sleeping, only to awaken when their country needs them again.

If you have any suggestions, comments, corrections or complaints, feel free to mail me richard.bolger@oceanfree.net
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